Photo and Commentary ©2023 by Shelley Schurch
Sunday, June 4, 2023
I didn’t know there was a name for it. But I am very familiar with the experience the name describes. Too familiar.
Just last week I learned about the “Arrival Fallacy.” Tal Ben-Shahar, the psychologist who coined the term, defines it as “the illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness.”
Have you ever thought, “I’ll be happy as soon as I _____”? We fill in the blank with all sorts of “destinations” – I’ll be happy as soon as I’ve graduated, as soon as I’ve paid off my college loans, as soon as I get married, as soon as I have children, as soon as I get that promotion, as soon as I get a different job, as soon as I retire . . .”
(My own particular tweak of the Arrival Fallacy seems to center on fear-squashing. Example: “I’ll be happy as soon as those test results come back with good news.” I seem to have continuing confidence that as soon as I get over the current bump in the road, the journey will smooth out, all will be well, and I will then be able to be happy.)
Mental health specialists have many recommendations for not getting sucked into the Arrival Fallacy, including setting realistic goals, keeping a gratitude journal, and focusing on enjoying the journey rather than believing that reaching a goal equals long-term happiness.
It was fascinating to read articles about the Arrival Fallacy, and reassuring to discover that many of them concluded with the encouraging finding that happiness depends much more on our relationships than on our achievements.
And yes, this reminds me of Jesus. In two ways:
1) Jesus is all about relationships, all about love. He could have written off Planet Earth as an experiment gone badly, sadly wrong, and wiped it off the face of the universe, but His love for us unlovable, ungrateful people brought Him down to us instead. Down to us, and up on a cross.
2) There is one Arrival that will bring us true, everlasting happiness – it will be no fallacy or fantasy. It has nothing to do with us achieving goals and everything to do with the Lover of our souls coming back to take us to our eternal Home.
We wait for His arrival here, and then our arrival there. If we see anyone in heaven sitting down learning to play the harp, we’ll probably burst out laughing, remembering the one stereotypical activity of heaven was a person sitting on a cloud playing a harp. Instead, we’ll have limitless wonders to explore, infinite challenges to pursue, and the richest of relationships to enjoy. Sounds like heaven to me.